dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
