I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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