Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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