My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
