i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
