At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
