Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
