The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
