i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
