First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Randomize
