five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize