i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize