Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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