He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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