It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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