dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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