Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
