her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Need sex. Gaining weight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.