Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus

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(630): Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus http://tfl.nu/u8l4

Replies (19) Good night (706) Bad night (1876)
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(567): View more from Ohio

I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..

(1-567): View more from Ohio

How so?

(567): View more from Ohio

Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.

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(567): I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand.. (1-567): How so? (567): Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/38h3

Replies (9) Good night (1131) Bad night (4146)
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(415): View more from California

I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does

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(415): I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does http://tfl.nu/67y4

Replies (10) Good night (3110) Bad night (841)
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(815): View more from Illinois

i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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(815): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/m7hl

Replies (12) Good night (6289) Bad night (1427)
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(937): View more from Ohio

She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy

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(937): She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy http://tfl.nu/3zlc

Replies (9) Good night (1256) Bad night (3103)
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(708): View more from Illinois

We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore

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(708): We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore http://tfl.nu/3p2d

Replies (10) Good night (2104) Bad night (1196)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y

Replies (4) Good night (2987) Bad night (834)
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(509): View more from Washington

idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.

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(509): idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow. http://tfl.nu/e8dm

Replies (7) Good night (2478) Bad night (831)
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(903): View more from Texas

This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.

(254): View more from Texas

Jealous?

(903): View more from Texas

Very.

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(903): This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits. (254): Jealous? (903): Very. http://tfl.nu/i9gx

Replies (8) Good night (2629) Bad night (948)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...

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(603): oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar... http://tfl.nu/mqjx

Replies (12) Good night (723) Bad night (1474)
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(971): View more from Oregon

You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.

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(971): You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified. http://tfl.nu/imja

Replies (12) Good night (1370) Bad night (2519)
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(916): View more from California

I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want

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(916): I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want http://tfl.nu/luqp

Replies (7) Good night (1172) Bad night (542)
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(815): View more from Illinois

After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

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(815): After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin. http://tfl.nu/me1g

Replies (3) Good night (1099) Bad night (604)
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(562): View more from California

Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...

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(562): Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell... http://tfl.nu/1xl3

Replies (0) Good night (397) Bad night (593)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.

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(202): Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer. http://tfl.nu/d3xk

Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (366)

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