yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug