I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.