That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.