Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

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(780): he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem. http://tfl.nu/ak11

Replies (15) Good night (729) Bad night (4410)
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(903): View more from Texas

I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

(214): View more from Texas

It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

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(903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls. (214): It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/5v3w

Replies (17) Good night (4989) Bad night (794)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.

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(240): Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS. http://tfl.nu/2m4m

Replies (128) Good night (27749) Bad night (2062)
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(914): View more from New York

My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

(845): View more from New York

She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

(914): View more from New York

well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

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(914): My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener. (845): She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn? (914): well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey http://tfl.nu/elol

Replies (49) Good night (6012) Bad night (844)
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(630): View more from Illinois

last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

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(630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip

Replies (21) Good night (8340) Bad night (859)
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(206): View more from Washington

He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.

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(206): He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful. http://tfl.nu/c0jh

Replies (29) Good night (956) Bad night (3378)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

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(303): I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed http://tfl.nu/1p3v

Replies (24) Good night (804) Bad night (5703)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

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(952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk

Replies (27) Good night (1216) Bad night (7160)
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(516): View more from New York

The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

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(516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih

Replies (17) Good night (7633) Bad night (957)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.

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(615): As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge. http://tfl.nu/pca6

Replies (5) Good night (2370) Bad night (710)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.

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(540): Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house. http://tfl.nu/gobb

Replies (7) Good night (1457) Bad night (884)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

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(617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz

Replies (8) Good night (1936) Bad night (934)
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(916): View more from California

Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.

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(916): Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am. http://tfl.nu/a8h9

Replies (3) Good night (1917) Bad night (544)
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(905): View more from Ontario

Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.

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(905): Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now. http://tfl.nu/gjj1

Replies (4) Good night (568) Bad night (2734)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you

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(303): I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you http://tfl.nu/s8pp

Replies (11) Good night (741) Bad night (514)

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