im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.