I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
