I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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