I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
