Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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