Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
