Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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