we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi†so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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