I think I won the penis lottery.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
