You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
