No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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