I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
