can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
