Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
