You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
