then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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