Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
