Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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