Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
