My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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