@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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