why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want to make out with him forever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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