Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
