She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
