Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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