She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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