After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
