none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
