I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
