Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
