You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
