All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
