Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
