You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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