found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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