it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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