Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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