I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Found your dick twin last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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