Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
