I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
