My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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