It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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