i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
