how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
