Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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