I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
