just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
