You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
