did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Buhtt sex?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
