Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
