after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
