Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize