Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
