I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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