oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
